The Grammar of De-Escalation: Using Pronoun-Based Feeling Statements in Anger-loaded Interpersonal Conflict

Abstract: This study builds from the communications accommodation theory (CAT), Pronoun-Linguistic Framing (PLF), and Communication Styles Framework (CSF) in examining the Author’s theoretical framework in using pronouns feeling statements to better manage conflict in relationships. We provide evidence that “I-You” assertive feeling statements are more effective at reducing conflict and improving relational outcomes than aggressive (“You”, “Why”) and passive (“We”, “But,” “I”) feeling statements. This study examines three different populations (n = 1,165): students, civilians, and military and reveals CAT’s predictive power in revealing the specific pronouns that lead to convergence, maintenance, and divergence. Implications are offered to stakeholders and practitioners of conflict resolution.

Keywords: Interpersonal Conflict, (De-)Escalation and prevention, Communication Accommodation Theory, Anger management, Linguistic framing, Military Veterans, Assertiveness, Quantitative Methods