Not So Small Talk: The Gendered Perception of Conversational Depth and Its Relational Consequences

Abstract: Workplace relationships are built through everyday small talk, but do men and women perceive the depth of these conversations differently? This research investigates a critical perceptual gap: men consistently rate brief, casual workplace exchanges as deeper and more relationally significant than women do. Across three studies—using imagined self-conversations, third-party observations, and evaluations of scripted dialogues—we find robust gender difference in perceived conversational depth. This asymmetry in perception also lead to divergent relationship-building behaviors: men, experiencing greater depth in small talk, report more willingness to follow up and seek future opportunities with conversation partners. These findings challenge conventional assumptions about gender and relational orientation, suggesting that men’s tendency to perceive more depth in routine interactions may contribute to their accumulation of workplace social capital, offering a novel mechanism underlying persistent gender disparities in informal networks and mentorship access.

Keywords: gender, small talk